Forward's The Only Way To Go
by rossansguil
Summary: After Texas, Maya just wants everything to go back to the way they were before. It's proving difficult. Impossible, even.
1. Trying to Get Back to Normal

Maya had been staring at the same spot on the wall at Topanga's for fifteen minutes. Neither of them have said a word to each other in twenty minutes. All she can think about is how stupid this all is.

"This is stupid," she said, still staring at the wall.

Finally, Lucas turned to look at her.

"What is?" he asked.

"This! Are you having any fun?" Maya, finally, turned to look at Lucas. Though with the look that was in her eyes, he kinda wish she hadn't.

"Um, yes?"

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

"Neither am I. This is why I didn't want anything to change. Everything's weird and uncomfortable now and I don't like."

"Okay, so what do you think we should do about it?"

"We're not going out."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"No. We're not going out. We were never going out. You go back to just liking Riley and I'll go back to making fun of you and it'll be like this never happened."

"But I like you too, Maya."

"It doesn't matter. This isn't working. We've been sitting for, like, three days and all that's happened is I dumped a smoothie on your head."

"Two smoothies."

"Right. I make fun of you, you get defensive, and Riley keeps the peace. That's how we work best. We're better as friends so we're just gonna be friends and this never happened."

"So you're just going to pretend this never happened. For Riley."

"No, I'm doing this for all of us. I'm not happy, you're not happy, Riley's not happy. What's the point of any of this if none of us are happy?"

"But you like me."

"Yes, okay, that's been established but it doesn't matter."

"But would it actually make you happier just going back to how things were before?"

"Yeah, it really would, Huckleberry. All of this is just too complicated and...I'll get over you. I don't know if Riley can."

They both just looked at each other for a moment, challenging the other to say something to contradict anything Maya had just said.

"Okay," Lucas said with a nod.

"Okay."

"This never happened."

"Never happened."

"I guess I should go then."

"I guess you should."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Farkle sat down, almost immediately, in the seat Lucas had just abandoned.

"Will that really make you happy?"

"I don't know. All I know is that because of this, because of me and my feelings, two of my best friends are miserable and I just can't live like that. I'm happiest when Riley's happy and this will make her happy. So yeah, I guess I'll be happy."

"You know things can never go back to how they were before, right?"

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I'm Farkle, I know everything."

"You could be wrong."

"I'm never wrong."

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

Topanga walked in the door and immediately went over to where Maya and Farkle were sitting.

"Hey, Maya, I'm glad you're here. Are you going to be over for dinner tonight?" She asked.

"Aren't I always?"

"Great. Josh is coming over and I wanted to make sure I had enough of everything for everyone."

Maya smiled as Topanga walked away, distracted, going behind the counter to get whatever it was that she needed for dinner.

"That's kind of a devious smile you got there," Farkle said, somewhere between intrigue and apprehension.

"I know how to fix things," Maya said.

"How?"

"I'm just going to tell Riley that I don't like Lucas. That I never really liked Lucas. I was just confused because of all the stuff that happened with Josh but I'm all sorted out now and I like Josh and not Lucas."

"But you still like Lucas."

"That doesn't matter. How many times do I have to say that it doesn't matter? For once, I can actually fix things and then everything can go back to normal."

Farkle raised an unconvinced eyebrow at her in response.

"That's what I want, so I'm going to fix everything."

* * *

Even though a lot had changed, the bay window was still the same and Maya couldn't be happier. And just like normal, Maya was withholding a pretty big truth from Riley.

"Maya, are you sure?" Riley asked after Maya told her that she wasn't interested in dating Lucas. She didn't seem particularly convinced.

"Yes! I didn't want to tell you that I liked Lucas and I definitely didn't want you tell tell Lucas that I liked him because I was confused about everything. I'm the one who wanted everything to stay the same remember? But none of that matters anymore. I still like Josh, a lot. So, we should all just forget about everything that happened and go back to normal."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Well, you might as well because that's what I'm doing and that's what Lucas is doing." Maya knew she was toeing the line of flat out lying to Riley in the bay window, which would definitely change everything for good. She needed this conversation to end. "Let's just go downstairs, okay?"

Topanga put them to work on setting the table for dinner as soon as they reached the bottom step.

"Riley, you're going to need seven plates."

"Why? Who else is coming besides Uncle Josh?"

"Well," Topanga shot a worried look to Maya. "Josh is bringing his girlfriend."

"Josh has a girlfriend?" Maya asked, feeling her stomach drop. "Who is she?"

"A girl from his freshman comp. class."

"Oh." Five minutes ago, Maya had decided to fully commit to her crush on Josh and now he has a girlfriend. "You don't need to set another plate, Riley. I'm not really hungry so I think I'm just gonna go home."

"Maya, you don't have to leave."

"I really do."

She heard Riley call her name before she shut the door but she ignored it. Despite her best efforts everything was changing and she didn't know how to handle it.


	2. A Real Good Day

Shawn woke up to something small hitting him in the face. He cracked an eye open to see Maya sitting at the counter. Her smile got bigger when she noticed he was awake and pelted him with a bit of cereal again. She had been at it for a while considering the amount of cereal that was scattered around him on the couch and on the floor.

"Is this your idea of breakfast in bed?"

"What do you expect me to do when I find you asleep on the couch? Why're you here anyway?"

He heard Maya giggle as another piece of cereal bounced off his head.

"What, not happy to see me?"

"I didn't say that." Maya looked into her bowl of cereal, stirring it around with her spoon. "It's just usually you stay with the Matthews'."

"Yeah, well. I thought it might be nice to have a little change of scenery."

Shawn sat up and looked around the apartment.

"Mom got called to a last minute audition."

"Yeah, she told me. I was half expecting Riley to be here though," he said after a beat.

"Riley and I are kinda in a weird place right now."

"Oh yeah? What happened?"

"Just stupid boy stuff."

"Is the boy stupid or is the stuff stupid?"

"Both."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay, well if you don't have any plans today I was thinking we could go to this art festival I read about."

Shawn watched her sardonic smirk turn into a genuine smile.

"Yeah, I definitely want to do that."

* * *

This was possibly the best day of Maya's life. She was surrounded by art. Each side of the street had booths and all the booths were filled with artists, all willing to talk to her about different styles and techniques and mediums; giving her advice and encouraging her. For the first time since Texas, she felt like herself. She felt sure of herself.

"I went on a date with Lucas," Maya said as they were watching an older woman paint. "It's a long story, but that's what's weird between me and Riley."

"Okay. And how did the date go?"

"Terrible. We just sat next to each other, staring at a wall and not talking. And then when he did finally say something, it was this stupid story about him giving birth to a horse or whatever." Maya said, flippantly. "So I poured a smoothie on his head."

"Why did his horse story upset you?"

"Because I'd already heard that story. From Riley. He was just gonna tell me the exact same story that he told Riley and I didn't want that. But it doesn't matter anymore because I decided we're just going to be friends."

"What made you do that?"

"Because I don't want to just hear all the stuff Riley's already heard. I wanna hear the stories that she doesn't know, you know? But that's probably impossible because he's probably told her all of his stories because they talk about stuff like that all the time. I don't want to go out with him if I'm not going to feel...special, I guess."

Shawn didn't say anything at first. He looked like he was trying to choose his words carefully.

"You deserve to feel special, Maya. Because you are special."

Maya blinked back the tears that were starting to well up. It meant a lot to her that Shawn said that. It meant a lot to her that he listened to her and validated her feelings; that he didn't ask about how Riley or Lucas or anyone else but her felt about the whole messed up situation.

* * *

When Shawn and Maya got back, the apartment was warm and sweet-smelling. They found her mother in the kitchen by the stove.

"Oh hey, you two. I figured we'd have vegetable soup and grilled cheese for dinner, and brownies for dessert. How's that sound?"

"Sounds great, Mom. How was your audition?"

Maya could hear the gentle clinks as Shawn got out the bowls, plates, and silverware. It made her unexplainably happy that he knew his way around their kitchen.

"Better than expected. They want me to come back and audition again. And what were you two up to today?"

Maya told her mom everything she could about the art festival as the three of them sat around the small kitchen table and ate dinner. Afterwards, Shawn insisted on doing the dishes, so Maya showed Katy the expensive set of pastels Shawn bought her and excitedly told her some of the ideas she had for using them.

Even though she was still worried about how Riley and Lucas were going to act the next time she saw them, Maya went to bed feeling happier and lighter than she had in a long time.


	3. Friends Will Be Friends

That morning, like usual, Riley was waiting for her as Maya climbed through the window.

"On a scale from one to ten, how upset are you about Josh having a girlfriend?" Riley asked without preamble.

"Like...six and a half," Maya said as she sat next to her.

"Wow, that's a lot lower than I thought it would be."

"Yeah well. I did some thinking over the weekend, you know, and I decided that since Josh is eighteen the idea of me and him is just weird now. In three years maybe it won't be but I can't expect him to just wait around for me to get older. And I can't wait around for him because that'd be pathetic."

"So, you're okay? About Josh and...other things?"

"Yes, Riley."

"Great! So you can tell me all about what happened on your date with Lucas."

Maya groaned but Riley pushed on.

"Because you never told me what happened on your date. You just said that you realized you still liked Josh."

"Riley, can't we just drop this?"

"Not until you tell me what happened."

"I don't like Lucas, okay! I realized that and that's what happened. He's our friend and I like our little group and I don't want to ruin it over a boy that neither of us can actually talk to on a date."

"You couldn't talk to him? But you're always able to talk to people. You have something to say about everything. Why couldn't you talk to him?"

"Because all I could think about was the entire thing felt like a betrayal to you. And I know you said you love him like a brother but I know that you're lying about that because I know you. I can't tell you how you feel but you like Lucas more than you're saying you do and I know it. So the whole time all I could think about was you."

"Oh" was all Riley could think to say. She was trying to process everything that Maya did and didn't say. It was a lot.

"Can we please just go to school now?" Maya asked, sounding desperate.

"Yeah."

Riley followed Maya out the window and down the fire escape, and they made their familiar journey to John Quincy Adams Middle School in an unfamiliar silence.

* * *

Geometry was the only class that Riley had with Lucas but without Maya, and the last fifteen minutes of class were always dedicated to group work. This was the perfect time for her to broach the Maya topic with him.

As soon as the teacher gave them their assignment, Riley turned to Lucas.

"Why do you let Maya make fun of you?" She asked, nonchalantly.

"We're gonna do this right now?"

"My Uncle Eric asked you that but you never answered. So tell me, why do you let Maya make fun of you."

"I don't know."

"She never hurts your feeling?"

"Not really. It's just, you know, like a game between us."

Riley studied his face and then the answer dawned on her.

"You like the attention. You like it when she's paying attention to you even if it's just to make fun of you. And she makes fun of you because she likes you but she doesn't want to act like she likes you, so she acts like she doesn't like you. Wow."

"I like it when you pay attention to me, too."

"Yeah because I'm nice to you. Everyone likes it when people are nice to them."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"It does, actually. I think you like Maya a lot more than you think you do."

"But I like you too."

"You like us differently."

"Yeah, well, you're very different people."

"We are. But our friendship comes first for both of us."

"Where does all of this leave me?"

"I think you have to figure that out for yourself."

Riley turned back around, resolved that she couldn't control whatever happened next. It was all up to Maya and Lucas now.

* * *

Maya sat in the library, at the table farthest from the entrance, waiting for Riley to finish cheerleading practice. She was hoping no one would find her there, but she wasn't that lucky.

"You're avoiding me," Lucas said, standing in front of her.

"No, I'm not."

"What are you doing right now?"

"My homework." Maya paused. "Okay, I see your point."

"You haven't talked to me all day."

"So?"

"I've given you like a hundred openings to make fun of me and you haven't said anything. Aren't things supposed to be back to normal now? Normally, you would have called me a name by now."

"Get out of my face, Ranger Rick. Happy?"

"Not really."

"Seriously, go away."

"Fine." Lucas turned away before quickly changing his mind. "No, you know what, I'm not going away." He sat down in the chair across from her. "I'm going to sit here until we work this out."

They sat in silence. Maya could feel Lucas' eyes on her while she tried to focus on her algebra homework. After about thirty seconds Lucas broke first.

"You know, I'm getting a lot of mixed signals here. You both like me but neither of you want to actually date me but you keep telling me to date the other one. It's very confusing for me."

"Not everything's about you, Huckleberry. Riley likes you, so we're not happening. It's girl code."

"Do I have a say in all of this?"

"Nope."

"Fine."

Maya expected him to leave after that, but Lucas just kept sitting there, annoyingly tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

"You still haven't left yet."

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

"Okay, fine. I'll talk to you. You know why I never said anything to anybody about liking you? Because Riley's my best friend and I will never do anything that could ruin that. Even though she says that nothing I could ever do would tear us apart, everyone has a breaking point and I never want to find out what that is."

"You think I'm the breaking point?"

"I don't know, but you might be and I don't want to take the chance if you are."

When Lucas didn't say anything Maya continued.

"I'm not mad at you, Lucas. Everything's going to be fine between us."

"Everything's going to be fine between all of us," Riley said, showing up seemingly out of nowhere. She was still in her cheerleading uniform, looking kind of sweaty, and she had a hopeful smile on her face.

And Maya believed her. Things weren't going back to how they were before, everything was changing, but they were all going to be fine.


	4. Meanwhile in Rileytown

Riley marched up to Maya, Lucas and Farkle, all grouped together by the lockers, with her back straight and her head held high.

"The talent show sign-up sheet was posted today," she announced.

"Oh no," Farkle said under his breath.

"You are not signing up for that," Maya told her at the same time.

"Too late, I already did."

"Riley, no. This is a bad idea."

"This is a great idea."

"This is your worst idea yet."

"Lucas thinks it's a good idea."

"I never said that," Lucas said defensively as Maya gave him a menacing glare.

Maya turned her attention back to Riley

"Riles, I love you but you have no talent."

"That's not true at all; I'm a cheerleader!"

"You're the worst one on the team."

"I am not." Riley spotted the cheerleading coach passing by. "Coach Kelly, am I the worst one on the team?"

"Yes," she said, gruffly, without pausing and kept on walking.

Riley turned back to her friends. "Well, I put my talent down as 'to be determined.' I have a whole month to find my talent." She put on the most enthusiastic smile she could. "So, who's gonna help me find my talent?"

"Not me," all three of them said in unison.

That just so happened to be the moment Zay joined them.

"Zay, will you help me find my talent?" Riley asked.

"Oh, um…" He faltered, seeing Lucas, Maya and Farkle all shaking their heads.

"Please?" Riley batted her eyelashes.

Zay faltered for a second before giving in.

"Fine. Yes, I'll help you."

"Yay!" Riley said, and then she skipped off to class. The others followed her, not far behind.

"Good luck," Maya said, patting Zay on the back condescendingly. "You're gonna need it."

"What can I say, I can't say no to a pretty girl."

* * *

The next day, Zay found himself in the Matthews' living room, trying to brainstorm talent show ideas.

"Okay, so what you thinking of doing?" Zay asked.

"I can't decide. That's why I asked you to help."

"Okay, well, can you dance?"

"Can I dance? Please, I'm on the cheerleading team."

"So that's a no. Can you sing?"

"Oh, I can sing." She sings a couple of lines of some song Zay had never heard before he cut her off.

"No."

"Yeah, okay."

"Riley, what can you do? It's not like we can just pull a talent out of a hat."

Riley's face lit up.

"Yes, actually, I can. My dad does magic tricks and I may have picked up on a thing or two."

"Your dad knows magic tricks? He should do those in class, make history a little more interesting."

Riley ignored him.

"My dad can teach me a bunch of magic tricks and you can be my assistant! Doesn't that sound like a great idea?"

"No, not really."

But Riley kept on ignoring him and was already bounding up the stairs, yelling for her dad.

"Riley, I was in the middle of something very important," Cory said as he followed Riley down the stairs a few minutes later.

"You were not. You were listening to the _Hamilton_ soundtrack for the millionth time. I need your help; I want to do magic for the talent show."

She handed him the flyer.

"Wait a minute, Riley. This says that the talent show is in a month."

"Right, so I have a month to get all of this down."

"No, you have a week to get all of this down. You have to audition before you can be in the talent show."

"They have auditions?" Zay asked.

"Well, last year they accepted everyone and it went on for four hours. The judges fell asleep before they saw all the contestants."

"Wait, I only have a week? How can anyone learn a talent that fast?"

"They don't. Usually people already have a talent before they sign up."

"Will you still teach me?"

"Of course I will. Let's start with the easy stuff."

* * *

Maya was at her locker, alone since Riley was getting ready for her audition, when she saw Lucas coming her way.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said back.

An awkward silence fell between them, which seemed to be happening a lot with them recently. Maya was fed up and decided to do something about it.

"Do you want to go watch Riley and Zay make idiots of themselves in front of the entire school?" She asked.

"If you mean, do I want to go support our friends and their unadvised participation in the school talent show, then yeah, okay."

"This is going to be a train wreck," Maya said, finding a seat in the auditorium.

She wasn't wrong. Riley executed each trick with confidence but obvious awkwardness that Zay was trying to cover up with his general exuberance and charm.

"And for my final trick, I will make these handcuffs disappear while wearing them," Riley said, dramatically. She strutted across the stage to show the audience that she was, in fact, handcuffed. Halfway across the stage, Riley tripped over a mic cord and fell right off the stage.

"Riley, are you okay?" Zay whispered as quietly as he could but still be heard.

Riley stood up and climbed back on the stage with a 'tah dah' and jazz hands, even though her hands were still cuffed together in front of her.

"She's fine, folks! All part of the show!" Zay told audience, enthusiastically.

Riley, resilient as ever, picked up where she left off and finished her trick, eventually making the handcuffs disappear.

"Was that the most painfully awkward magic show you've ever seen in your life or what?" Maya asked Lucas once Riley and Zay walked off the stage.

"Actually, it wasn't. Um, when I was seven my parents hired a clown for my birthday. Part of the act was a magic show and, since I was the birthday boy, I had to be his assistant. That was the first time I was ever around a clown and I quickly found out I was afraid of clowns, but my parents made me keep going and, yeah, it was a disaster."

Lucas told her the whole story with a wry smile on his face while Maya tried to keep her laughter as quiet as possible since the auditions were still going on.

"Unfortunately, my mama recorded the whole thing."

"Have you ever told Riley that story?"

"No, I don't think my clown phobia has ever come up before. Why?"

"I don't know. I just figured that Riley knew all your stories. I mean, you're not that interesting of a person so how many stories could you actually have?"

"Well, you have the privilege of hearing that story first."

"Yeah, lucky me," Maya said sarcastically, but she was smiling and a blush was spread across her cheeks.

* * *

There was a light knocking on one of the bay windows.

"It wasn't locked," Riley said, as she opened it to find Zay kneeling in front of her.

"Well, you know, I'm not one to just barge into someone's house. You should probably lock your windows though. This is New York City after all. Anyway, I came over because I've been meaning to return this."

Zay handed over a notebook she had been missing for a few days.

"Thanks. You could have waited to give me this at school tomorrow."

"I know, but I wanted an excuse to come over and see how you were doing."

"I'm okay, I promise. I fall down a lot."

"Okay, good. I was worried that maybe I should have listened to Lucas and everyone since the magic show was terrible, but cool." He paused awkwardly, like he was trying to come up with something else to say and failing. "Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Zay turned to start his way down the fire escape.

"Hey Zay!" Riley called out before he could get too far. "Why did you go along with everything? I mean, everyone else usually tries to talk me out of that kind of stuff."

"Well, I figured you had enough people telling you not to, but you weren't not going to do it so I might as well help you out. And I think you can handle yourself. I've seen it."

"You believe in me."

"I do. We all believe in you. It's just...everyone either wants to keep you from getting hurt or to be there to catch you when you fall, but sometimes you just need someone to fall with you and I can be that guy."

"Oh. Well, thank you."

As she closed the window and turned back to her room, Riley felt a familiar but unexpected twist in her stomach.


	5. I Think We Can Make It

Riley was sitting at the bay window, back completely straight and staring into space, when Maya arrived

"Okay, I'm here. What happened that required so many emojis?" Maya asked settling next to Riley.

"Zay came over last night to drop off my notebook."

"Did he do something? Do I need to hurt him?"

"No. No, it's worse. He was nice and wanted to check on me because I fell and we talked a little bit and then he just looked at me and…you know the flippy stomach thing you get sometimes when someone looks at you?"

"I'm familiar with the sensation."

"My stomach did the flippy thing."

"Riles, you're the one who said people liked it when you said nice things to them. Maybe this was like that."

"No, it wasn't. He told me that I was terrible. He basically told me that no matter how bad I'm probably going to be at something that he'd be right there with me. He said he'd fall with me because I had enough people to catch me. Those are the words he said, Maya!"

"Whoa."

"Yeah." Riley sighed. "I'm so confused. Like, I thought I was confused before, but no, this is confused times a hundred!"

"Remember back when things were easy and it was just Farkle always trying to marry us?"

"Yeah, those were good times. It was so long ago."

"It was last year."

"So much has changed. You didn't tell me that fourteen would be this hard, Maya!"

"Hey, I didn't even know!"

Riley flopped down, her whole body taking up the rest of the bay window, seemingly content to wallow in her confused misery. She sat up almost immediately, eye squinted, looking at Maya suspiciously.

"Wait a minute. How'd you know I said the whole people being nice to you thing? I said that to Lucas."

"Oh, um, yeah. He told me about your little talk," Maya said, bashfully.

"When? Did you guys go on another date?"

"No, we just watched the auditions together and then ended up riding the subway."

"Together."

"No no no no no, don't change the subject. We were talking about you and your weird feelings for Zay, not me and my weird feelings for Lucas."

"What do I do?"

"Right now, I don't think you should do anything. Let's just go to school and see what happens."

* * *

Nothing happened at school that day. Riley acted weirder than normal, but since she's Riley no one really thought anything of it. In fact, nothing happened until a few days later after school let out.

"I've been thinking about it," Riley said, her head stuck in her locker, hiding her from Maya. "And I think I know what this all means. It means that Lucas might be the first boy I've ever liked, but he's not the only boy I'll ever like."

"I thought you wanted to be 'Lucas and Riley forever.'"

"I did, but we're growing up. Some things are changing and this is one of them."

Maya shut her locker with more force than necessary. Riley could feel Maya staring at her through the locker door.

"So are you going to go swoon over Zay now?"

Riley shut her own locker much more gently and took a deep breath before facing her.

"I don't know. What I do know though is that I don't want to be the reason you're not with Lucas if it could make you happy. I'm stronger than everyone thinks I am, you know."

"I know you are, Riles."

"So, don't worry about me. I'm going to be okay. We're going to be okay."

"We are," Maya said.

As they walked out of the school, Maya took them on a quick detour to Zay's locker.

"Riley likes you," she told him.

Zay raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Riley's jaw dropped.

"Maya!"

"Hey, fair's fair."

"This is a completely different situation!"

Maya shrugged and walked away from them, leaving Riley with the fallout.

* * *

Maya and Lucas were in what had somehow become their usual spot at Topanga's. This time, though, they actually had things to talk about.

"I want to try something," Maya said when there was a lull in the conversation.

"That doesn't sound good. Should I be worried?"

"Shut up and hold my hand."

She held out her hand to him and Lucas took it, lacing his fingers between hers. Both of them just stared at their hands for second before they looked up at each other and laughed.

"This is good, right?" Lucas asked.

"This is good."

Maya squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. Maya narrowed her eyes, smiled mischievously and squeezed his hand even harder.

"Ow." Lucas said, but he didn't release her hand. "Was this just an excuse to try to break my hand?"

"No, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity," Maya said, her smile widening.

She hand was warm, her stomach felt kind of jittery, and she was actually genuinely smiling. A lot of things were different now but it was good and Maya was happy.


End file.
